I am embracing my inner bitch and together we are going to rule the world!


If you want to be somebody else
If you’re tired of fighting battles with yourself
If you want to be somebody else
Change your mind…
~ Sister Hazel

There I was, all fired up and rarin’ to go.

I was going to be deep, insightful, witty and just all that all over.

Then I remembered I had some gelato in the freezer.

And now? Nothing. Zip-zilch-scratcharoonie.

Which leads me to wonder just how much my diet, in all its fat filled crappiness, effects my day-to-day life.

Hmm. Less bacon equals more energy? God I hope not. I realllly like bacon.

Speaking of, I have had a straight up craving for butter beans ever since they announced at the cafeteria they were what’s for lunch. I saw butter beans on the big board and thought, Damn, I haven’t had those in years! So, I took my place in line and patiently waited my turn. As I approached the fogged over glass surrounding the steam table my eyes searched for the pearly white of my lunch. Squint. Hmm. I don’t actually SEE any butter beans. There are some gray looking lumps in the corner that are kind of shaped like a butter bean.

Excuse Ms. Emily, where are the butter beans?

Sure enough, she points straight at the gray lumps.

Um… those aren’t butter beans, I say.

Yeah, thems speckled butter beans, Ms. Emily replies. They not quite the same but they still butter beans.

I took a shot and ordered them. True enough, they are not quite the same.

And they are not, for the record, butter beans.

A few days later I am in Fresh Market, a rather pretentious but well-meaning whole foods store in Renaissance. (The fruit tarts were so beautiful I asked the bakery clerk if they were real or wax models for display – real was her reply- daYAm was mine) Certainly they would have butter beans? Nope. they did have cranberry orange scones though so not a wasted trip.

So.. still butter bean-less but I am going to find some, throw in way too much salt and a bit of fat back for flavor, maybe mix up a batch of cornbread, add some cold milk and sit down to supper.

Which would piss my ex off to know end as all I ever made for him was “Yankee Food.” I was trying to broaden his horizons. Mine are plenty broad already so I can eat what I damn well please.

In case you haven’t noticed I have been in a bad mood for …. oh… about six months.

I think it started when I quit smoking.  That is normal and I expected it.  The problem is it didn’t go away.  I stayed grouchy.  It may be hormonal; I am after all at that age.  It may be that I take less “me” time at work since I don’t actually have any where to go to get away from it all whereas I used to go smoke.   Or, maybe, just maybe, the entire world HAS been taken over by jackasses.

I think I’ll take door number three there, Bob.

See, there are still people out there, quite a few in fact, whose mere presence makes me smile.  Whose humor and warmth instantly melt away the anger and frustration and I snap back to my old self.  If I can still feel these things, if I am happy outside the presence of certain environments, then perchance it is not all me after all ? Which means I need to step up and get serious about finding a new job.

It also means I am going to have to learn to say the word, “no”, even when I don’t want to.  There are a million things I want to do.   I just cannot do them all at once.  I know. I’ve tried.

So, mission one, set priorities:

1. Find job wherein I do not feel an unhealthy affinity to Foster the People.

2. Focus on writing.  The excercise of art improves every area of my life.  The additional income will allow me, if necessary, to take a cut in pay to do what I really want to do.

3. Get laid.  (Just checking to see if you were really following or just skimming.  Although… )

4. Laugh at least once a day, exercise twice a week.

That should do it.  I’ll keep you posted.

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~ by D.L. Graves on August 3, 2011.

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